When I was a kid, I used to be very sympathetic towards people who would come asking for money or alms. These people are everywhere yet so inconspicuous. You could find them very easily on roadside , at traffic signals, markets, temple premises etc. My heart always went out to them. As a kid, I had very idealistic thoughts about helping them. I held the view that every able person should aid people who aren't so fortunate. My impressionable mind formed simple opinions of their own. I always related honesty with desperation and need. I judged people by the disposition of their clothes and their state . If a person was poor, in need , he had to be simple and honest, and a influential, well-to-do someone who would just ignore these people and go about doing their work were attributed a negative quality.
I remember an incident during my childhood days, a far cry from an anecdote but I would still like to use it as one. I was probably studying in 4th or 5th standard and it was one of those quarterly parent-teacher meetings, I had to attend. I used to be a good student and hence, this wasn't much of an issue for me. My mom and I were returning back on a rickshaw from the meeting when suddenly a very distraught looking person came up to us, asking for some money to buy some food. My mother, not in a very pleasant mood and probably because of me, turned him away saying that - "Abhi thodi der pehle hi diya tha kisiko." Now, this was something my ideologies at that time wouldn' t permit. Firstly, it was a pure lie and secondly, even if something was given to someone, how would this guy benefit from that? This escaped my logical faculties. So, in all, what could only be called stupid innocence, I blurted out at that very moment, "Kahan diya tha, ma?" This resulted in two things, a sort of embarrassment for my mom and a easily earned hard glare for me.
This incident is a distant memory now and is recalled only sometimes by my parents when they go into flashback mode of my brother's and my childhood. This story, however, does show how deeply I felt regarding this. I always felt sad and helpless whenever I used to see them. With time, my thoughts matured and so did my understanding of the world but this, more or less, remained the same. I still felt for these people. Even while I was a student of engineering, I always used to give more than people would normally do and irrespective of whoever was asking. People used to advice me against this for it was difficult to identify posers from the real and want from deceit but I always brushed such advice aside. Little did I know, that my belief would soon be shaken to the core.
I was coming back from home after one of my vacations and just got out of the Lingampalli station ( a local train station in Hyderabad ) and was about to call for an auto when a gentleman walked upto me and politely asked for some of my time. He was dressed in proper, if not very well-to-do clothes and did not look like someone who would need to beg. I asked him about his problem and he pointed towards a group of people, a lady in saree and a couple of small kids. He told me that he had come to Hyderabad from some nearby local town in search of some promised work and had managed to lose all his money. He had nothing left to go back to his native place and would be grateful if I could help him out. I was skeptical and probed him a little more. He gave me quite convincing answers. Even though I was a little reluctant, I offered to buy him tickets to his place. He seemed to be taken a little aback but then quickly agreed. After I bought him tickets, he started thanking me profusely. I acknowledged and was about to leave when he again came up to me and with all sincerity asked me for some money for food. Now, I was not very sure but eventually gave him some more money. As I was returning back, I felt very satisfied and content with myself. It was the feeling of having made a difference, even if it wasn't very significant. Normal life resumed and I got involved in the regulars of my college life. After a week of my return, I had to go to the Lingampalli area on account of some work. As I was standing at one of the shops, I noticed a familiar face which eluded recognition. I pressed on my memory a bit and remembered him to be the same fellow whom I had helped at the station. I thought of walking up to him and inquiring about his stay. Before I could do that, a piece of his conversation with his companion made it to my ears and it was as if somebody had beaten the drum right next to my face. I don't remember the exact words but they were talking about some work near station and then it suddenly dawned on me. I could see the dots connecting and I was infuriated at the thought of this guy conning people using the mask of need and desperation. Then my anger gave way to self criticizing scorn. I should have known better. Anyways, there was no use of confronting him. Even if I was to do that, I doubt he will stop cheating people.
On my way back home, I kept thinking about my outlook towards such people. I have always made a black and white judgement about such people. Now, some questions were raised against my simple beliefs. I wasn't very sure anymore about treating every poor and needy person with benevolence. A sense of reluctance was introduced. I know that this is not justified and I cannot judge a whole bunch of people based on the actions of few but then again, my initial opinion was itself a formulation based on a select few people I had encountered in my life. How do I differentiate between sincere and miscreants? I won't say that the incident changed me completely but it did modify my approach. There was one more incident, not very long ago, which again was on a similar standing but leading to a different experience. I was returning after a late-night dinner, with my flatmate, on his bike. We were stopped by a guy on the way. He told that he was stranded on his way back home as he somehow managed to lose his wallet and had run out of petrol. There was a petrol station round the corner but he did not have the money and he cannot leave his bike on the road. Both, my friend and I, were quite unsure. The guy also produced some IDs to further justify his authenticity but then in India, it is not very difficult to forge a bunch of documents, is it? We were still skeptical but after the guy's constant pleading, we gave him a 100R note. He was thankful and asked for our phone number. We were quite puzzled before he explained that he wished to return the money through recharging our phones. My flatmate give his number and we made our way back home, quite sure that the money was just a lost cause if the guy was faking. After a few days, I asked my flatmate about it and I was very surprised, to the extent of not believing it, to find that the recharge was made the very next day.
The incident was a sort of reinforcer of my thoughts. Not everywhere is it possible to check the IDs or to verify the claim of someone but it sure is possible to trust yourself to do the right thing. It is still worth to help people on every chance you get even if you end up on the wrong boat from time to time. With the same thing in my mind, I helped a family yesterday, making a similar claim. I gave them enough money to go back and have some food. I do not know if I was conned or they really did need the money but I do know that I am not in doubt anymore about doing the right thing. I can afford to give 100 Rupees, can you?
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